The number one question I get asked is “Do you get lonely doing this single?”.
The short answer is no. And honestly, I really thought I would. It was the biggest hurdle I faced when making the decision to leave the city and an active social life. Thinking back truly the hardest part is being ill and still having to care for the animals. I wrote a blog about that here.
The positive aspects far outweigh the negative for me. Learning to allow for my own vision was a big positive. I’ve always been the type of girl who loved to get behind my man and help him pursue his dreams while mine have gotten left behind. I’m still that girl but I no longer neglect myself.
I don’t get lonely but I do have things I miss about city life. I miss nights out and walking to restaurants, bars and other social venues but that’s about it.
I was well aware I could be condemning myself to a spinster life during my sexual peak. That part does suck. The animals have had FAR more sex than I have over the past several years. You can read about that here (the animal sex, not mine).
Surprisingly, guys came out of the woodwork. Anyone I’d had a mild flirtation with during my city days started reaching out. It seems a lot of guys have this fantasy about weekends filled with chopping wood and sex with a damsel in distress. I’m not going to lie, that sounds pretty good except that an unfortunate side effect of going the authentic life route is shallow encounters lose their luster. It’s simply boring and I’d rather wait for any sort of real connection.
I tried online dating a couple times. And yes, I even tried FarmersOnly.com. From what I could tell, there were no gentleman farmers on the site or city/country types. There are A LOT of lonely country boys out there if you’re interested. Online dating also brings stalkers. It’s pretty bad when you have to tell your neighbors you have a crazy guy coming around, stealing your mail, sending cards to your house and your parents house or writing creepy stories about you. While I believe most people are good, you learn to manage things differently than you would have in the city. For instance, I no longer let guys pick me up on a first date – which is awkward anyway since I live so far out and we don’t have street lights in the country.
This lifestyle certainly helps eliminate people from your dating pool. If a guy runs from my animals (it’s happened) or seems uneasy with them he’s not for me. I have a low tolerance for wimpy people now. I love guys who reach down to pet Luca (my dog) despite his reeking of whatever he’s rolled in that day. I like it when someone takes a genuine interest and maybe even wants to pitch in a little. That would be sexy.
The truth is I needed to be solo for awhile to figure out who I was. Not that you can’t do that with a partner but it wasn’t an option for me. There are definite positives to living this lifestyle alone. No one tells you what to do. It’s ALL about you and what YOU want. If I want a new chicken I get a new chicken.
One day that guy will come along that says (while playing with one of my animals) “You could really use a chandelier in your chicken coop, let’s go find one.” Or “Hey, let’s get drunk and star gaze.” That’s called farm porn right there. It could happen.
In the meantime, don’t be afraid to do this alone. You don’t need anyone else to follow your own heart and desires. One of the hardest parts for me was learning to kill spiders all by myself and even then you can bring a chicken inside to do it for you. You adapt.
Whatever your dream is have the courage to do it with or without a partner. Your tribe will find you – wherever you are. xo
I’m Jake Keiser, a former city girl seeking self-reliance and a fabulous farm life in Oxford, Mississippi.