I’m think I’m the only person who can grow beautiful tomatoes that taste like total crap. I’m a living example of an epic failure at growing plants. I’m into my 5th year on a farm and I still have a brown thumb but I’m not throwing in the towel anytime soon.
My first growing season I excitedly ordered 3 year old asparagus crowns. I love asparagus and was stoked for fresh asparagus. Of the five plants I planted all were doing well – they were seemingly the perfect plants for my incompetence. Then the goats happened. Somehow these plants were able to stay alive for three years despite my goats having their way with them. Being solo on a hobby farm means I can’t always get a lot of things done – like adding fencing. So protecting my garden was nearly impossible.
Last year my mother visited from Florida and suggested I move my little garden to pots and place them on a sunny deck off the back of my bedroom. This way the goats couldn’t reach the plants. Duh. Why didn’t I think of that from the beginning!?
The new “garden” spot worked like a charm. My herbs thrived and my tomatoes grew uninhibited by my crazy animals.
Every day I pampered my plants and my mouth watered over the tomatoes growing. I could taste summer and I could hardly wait to slice into my ruby red fruit!
Finally the first tomato ripened on the vine and was ready to join me in the kitchen. I had a friend visiting and she was as excited as I was to try this first bit of summer. I prepared my imported olive oil and sliced up my beautiful tomato, sprinkled with a bit of salt and drizzled my prized olive oil. I inhaled the fresh smell of the tomato – it was heavenly.
I couldn’t believe it when I took my first bite and it tasted like shit. Surely, I was mistaken. My olive oil must have gone rancid. I took another bite of naked tomato. Still shit. How is this possible?! It tasted like chemical sugar. I hate sweet tomatoes so I add a bit of salt but chemical sweetness mixed with a dirt taste was so not cool.
I said to my friend “This tomato tastes like shit. Taste it!”. She informed me that it wasn’t possible as she tried a bite of it.
I watched her face change into one of disgust. She asked what I did to the tomato. I said “I know, right?!”. The rest of that tomato went to the chickens, who fortunately didn’t spit it out in disgust.
I still don’t know what I did wrong but considering how much I love tomatoes I’m not giving up on growing them. Stay tuned for this growing season. I’m about to master this gardening thing. I hope.
If nothing else they sure were pretty. And at least my land grows things well – so long as I leave them alone I can count on wild blackberries, mulberries, pecans and grapes – and of course goat milk and eggs. Nom Nom!