I seem to never have a shortage of stories about dumb things I do or that happen to me. One of the great things about farm life is there’s no one around to see the dumb or embarrassing things that happen to me.
For example, last week I stopped to help a large turtle cross the road. I do this all the time but this time was different. It peed on me. A lot. I’ve been helping turtles cross the road for years and had no idea they could hold so much urine or aim it so well. Don’t worry, I didn’t take a picture, you’ll just have to rely on your own visual, but I can tell you it wasn’t pretty. On the bright side, the turtle was escorted safely to the side of the road and will hopefully live to see another day.
Then, a few days ago I was heading out to meet a friend and on the way I decided to stop and check my mail. I opened the box to find a wasp nest guarding my mail.
Apparently the wasps didn’t appreciate being exposed. To my horror they flew at me like little fighter jets.
I knew better than to jump back in my car (I can’t imagine being caught in a car with angry wasps) so instead I decided to run down my street, in heels, squealing like a piglet. I was halfway down the hill, still screaming, when I decided to glance behind me. Fortunately they were brown wasps and had already lost interest. Red wasps would have been a different outcome.
With the crisis averted I took a minute to compose myself and looked around to see if my neighbors had witnessed my loud antics as I sheepishly walked back to my running car. I drove slowly past the still open mailbox I gave them the stink eye. Good times.
Fortunately I don’t have a photo but here’s one of the latest arrivals.