It’s the end of October and it’s been way too warm here, in the mid 80’s daily and yet every morning it’s chilly enough to wear sweatpants during morning feeding only to finish my chores breaking a sweat.
Last week I was walking around taking pictures in the late afternoon heat and still had my sweatpants (stylish sweatpants, of course) on from the morning. As I started to overheat I decided to whip my pants off and sling them off into the grass by the pond. I would never strip down in the city but in a rural life it’s no biggie, I do it all the time.
I often have visitors but they’re almost always scheduled – unless it’s a neighbor. So of course, while I’m wearing nothing but a flimsy tee shirt and panties a neighbor decides to visit.
As I see Farmer Steve pulling up my driveway I panic and look frantically for my discarded pants. It was too late. If I ran to them I’d expose my bum to this very religious man and embarrass us both. I decided to act normally and hope the wind didn’t blow my little shirt up. I kept one hand nonchalantly over my crotch region as I greeted him. Suddenly I realized this gentle tug on the front of my shirt left my bum exposed in the back.
Either Farmer Steve was being super polite or wasn’t aware of my predicament because he stayed to chat. We made our way over to the goat pen – I walked behind him. Soon we looked up to see another truck driving by – Farmer Alfred. He looked over to wave and Farmer Steve waved him over to us. Shit.
Now I’m here, talking to two farmers…unbeknownst to both of them, I’m in my panties with my bum exposed to the air and my hand placed awkwardly over my crotch, praying I didn’t have to make any sudden moves. One small breeze would reveal my lace thong and I couldn’t turn and walk away because my bum was showing. I was committed and stayed frozen in place while these two men discussed this year’s cotton yield and then moved on to the best watermelon varieties to plant. Did you know there’s a particular variety to plant if you want watermelons to survive shipping well and another kind that’s just good eatin?
There I was, just one of the boys, talkin farming while in my panties.
When the guys finally departed I stood unmoving in the driveway, waving goodbye with my free hand, slowly backing up until they were safely out of sight before running to retrieve my pants. That’s my life these days.